Ladelle

Poker Face

Authors: Ladelle & Ahja Reyn
Rating: M
Summary: After accidentally confessing his secret love for Naruto, Sasuke is completely floored when the blond recommends they try casual dating. After all, Naruto's up for anything, even if it means convincing Sasuke he can be gay too. AU

The beginning...

N: Hey, I bumped into a blonde at the market today in the vegetable aisle! If I see her again next week, I think I’ll give her my number. She might be the one!

S: Um…what?

N: Sasukeee! The one! The one the tarot cards said from that one psychic.

S: Naruto, TenTen is *not* a real tarot card reader.

N: Of course she was! She knew everything about me!

S: Obviously not. Where was I in this equation?

N:The reading was about me, not you.

S: I should have been in there somewhere.

N: mmm…you might have been the ‘past memories/childhood friends influencing the present’ she mentioned.

S: …

S: What’s this about a blonde?

N: I’m supposed to meet a blond to whom I will grow close to int eh future.

S: You’re probably getting assigned a tutor, knowing how your biology class is going.

N: hmmm…someone with good looks AND brains!

S: …or just a tutor. That’s too old for you. And unattractive.

N:She could be a student tutor! Hey, what if it’s Sakura! She’s smart enough!

S: If you need a tutor, I’ll tutor you.

N:Just cuz my grades aren’t as good as yours doesn’t mean I need a tutor. >:(

S: I’m just saying that if it turns out being some tutor, ask me first.

N:Why?

S: Because. I’m the only one allowed tot ake advantage of you.

N:…

S: Don’t give me that face. Even from my apartment I can see that *look*.

N:You’re just jealous that I already know my future.

S: Oh, I already know your future. You just don’t know what I know yet.

N:…You read tarot cards too?

S: I don’t need to.

N: Are you psychic?

S: I know you well enough I don’t need to be.

N:okay, that’s just like…stalker-creepy.

S: I am not a stalker.

N:Haha, Sasuke the Stalker. If only your fangirls knew.

S: I don’t have fangirls.

N:Yes you do. They have a club dedicated to you and everything! They have a strict rule about no one being close to you so that they all wont get jealous.’

N: They even jumped me a few times back in the day!

S: See what I mean? Too many people take advantage of you.

N: I was*jumped*! That’s got nothing to do with being taken advantage of.

S: You were jumped by *girls*.

N: Correction: fangirls. *

S: I don’t know why someone would like me more than you.

N: It’s cuz your pretty.

S: Pretty is not a term used for men.

N: Sure it is! It applies to you perfectly.

S: You think I’m pretty?

N: I guess.

S: I guess isn’t good enough. I am a man.

N: A very pretty one.

S: What would you do if someone called you pretty?

N: Bat my eyes and blow them a kiss, ;)

S: Tell me again why I have fangirls and you don’t?

N: Because girls like angsty pretty boys?

S: Angsty? How the hell am I angsty? I’m perfectly content with my life. Spare this psychic you’ve met.

N: Whatve you got against psychics? You could stand to smile a little more…

S: I’d smile a whole lot more if you weren’t throwing yourself at every blonde you met.

N: I am *not* throwing myself at every blonde!

S: You’re convinced every one will be your wife!

N:not everyone!

N: Just the one.

S: Why her?

N:Who? The vegetable aisle girl?

S: Yeah, her.

N: What’s wrong with her?

S: You don’t’ even know her.

N:But that;s just it! I’m destined to get to know her!

S: Naruto…

N: What?

S: Why don’t you come over?

N: When? I’m in the middle of cooking dinner right now. Want me to bring you some food?

S: Nevermind then. I didn’t know you were busy.

N:It’s not like itll take me long…

S: Were you just making dinner for yourself.

N: Yeah. But I always make extra cause the food is so tasty.

S: Your food is good. Okay, come over.

N:-_- I’m flad my cooking is good enough to make you change your mind.

S: It is. Better than mine.

N:Haha, that’s true. I don’t know how you survive with your lack of cooking skills.

S: I can cook just fine when I have the right ingredients.

N:Psh. What ingredients would those be?

S: The ones they don’t sell here in America but do in Kyoto.

N: Don’t they ell what you need at that one corner asian market?

S: Yeah, but I don’t like going there alone.

N:Why not?

S: I don’t know. The cashier thinks I’m Korean and always tries to spark conversation and I told you I don’t’ even speak much Japanese anymore. It’s displacement.

N:Hmm…you should make some Japanese friends so you can practice.

S: I’ve just been calling my brother more often.

N:Oh. The creepy one?

S: That’s not a nice thing to say.

N: But it’s true!

S: All he did was touch your hair. You’re blond, what did you expect?

N:But that’s just it! He just randomly *touched* me! Like a pet!...Are you sure he has no mental problems?

S: No. He just thought you were pretty. And you didn’t smile and wink at him, you smacked him with that spatula you were holding.

N:…is that what he said?

S: Yeah. Why? Was he exaggerating?

N:I don’t’ know. He kept talking in Japanese all the time!

S: Hmm. Well, his English is horrible. It’s probably the only thing I’ve got on him.

N:Not that I’m on his side, but that doesn’t really count as an up when you forget your native language…

S: Well you couldn’t get through French.

N:French is overrated.

S: See? Don’t pick on me.

N:I wasn’t picking on you. I was merely stating facts.

S: Never mind. I don’t want you to bring me food.

N: What? But I’m already putting it al in Tupperware containers!

S: You can’t just insult me and then expect me to be happy.

N:Eh? When did I insult you?

S: Saying that I can’t speak Japanese well anymore.

N: Uhm…you said that about yourself.

S: …

N:Don’t worry. I still think you’re pretty cool.

S: I’m not pretty.

N:Alright, alright, You’re hideous.

S: You’re not winning any points today, Naruto.

N: Sure I am! I’m bringing you food.

S: ½ a point.

N:My cooking deserves at least 10 points! And 35 more for being generous enough to share! Plus 49 for bringing it over!

S: Minus 25 for falling in love with a random girl at the supermarket, minus another 50 for saying I should speak better Japanese and minus another 24 ½ for trying to bribe me with food. Thus leaving you with ½ a point.

N:What’s wrong with randomly falling in love? Not that I actually did or anything. She just has potential. And I never said your Japanese sucks.

S: Nothing is wrong with falling in love.

N:In that case I should get plus 23.

S: You only get points if you fall in love with the right person.

N:And according tot eh cards she just might be the right person!

S: According to me, you’re an idiot.

N: That’s not a very nice thing to say to the person who’s bringing you dinner.

S: You’re a lovable idiot.

N:Oi oi don’t go complimenting me while insulting me.

S: Now we’re even.

N:You really don’t like to be thought of as pretty, do you?

S: No. I think it’s embarrassing.

N:Why? You’re still manly and stuff. Just…pretty at the same time?

S: Stop calling me pretty.

N: What should I call you then?

S: Sasuke-sama.

N: …A little humility wouldn’t kill you, you know.

S: Oh, you know what that means?

N: Yep! I saw it on a cartoon once.

S: That video wasn’t mine, it was Itachi’s.

N:Then why did you have it?

S: He mailed it to me because he said I needed to loosen up. I didn’t talk to him for a week.

N:Why not? I thought it was kind of interesting.

S: It was gay porn, Naruto.

N: I know. Ive never seen gay porn before! Hell, I had never seen *cartoon* porn before!

S: Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.

N:You Japanese really don’t hold back when animating.

S: Well, they say art is made of experience. Though I don’t consider porn art at all.

N: So…Japanese people have lots of sex?

S: I…guess you could say that.

N:So then who are you sexing up?

S: That’s none of your business.

N:What? Why not?  Tell you about my sex life all the time!

S: Because I don’t kiss and tell. What would you want to know about it anyway?

N:I dunno. The basics. Who, where, was she any good, stuff like that.

S: I won’t tell you who, but I’d love to hear your guesses about the rest.

N: hmmm…behind a church, but the sex is only mediocre.

S: Try ‘in my kitchen and the sex was great’.

N:D8 But I eat in that kitchen!

S: And I’m a good cleaner.

N: hmmm…I don’t think the sex was that great. You just got caught up in the moment.

S: That’s exactly what sex is.

N: not all the time.

S: That’s because you’re a romantic.

N:Whats wrong with being a romantic?

S: Nothing. I think it’s endearing.

N:So the sex was mediocre?

S: The sex was fine.

N:Have you done it again with this person since then?

S: No. I’m not dating anyone right now.

N:Why? What was wrong with that person?

S: I didn’t know him, I guess. I already have the person I want to date seriously in mind anyway.

N:…him?

S: No. Nevermind. Someone else.

N: ,,,uhm…oh.

S: Someone not so easy.

N:Well…I would imagine so.

S: I mean they’re hard to get.

N:I dunno. I mean, how would you know if someone’s gay in the first place?

S: Why?

N:Have you ever managed to turn a man gay?

S: Mm, the problem lies in becoming attracted to men who aren’t gay.

N:

S: Too many men think they’re only straight. Everyone has that curiosity…and I like playing on it.

N: Wow. So you’re a player!

S: I wouldn’t go that far. I have morals.

N: Haha, that’s true. What are your sex morals, then?

S: Sex morals? Naruto, you’re funny.

N: What? Sex can come with morals!

S: Don’t fall in love with a one night stand. That’s a moral.

N: That’s a good one.

S: And never date a co-worker.

N: What about casual dating?

S: Casual dating is something everyone’s done at some point in time.

N: I meant with co workers.

S: No, things get messy. That’s why you shouldn’t date friends either.

N: And casual dating with friends is okay! Cuz it’s just casual.

S: No, because there’s always one person who wants more.

N: Not if you go out with the person once in a blue moon.

S: What if you go out with that person and have that ‘moment’ you were talking about?

N: Then its destiny.

S: What if only one person gets caught up in that moment?

N: Hmmm…I never thought about it that way.

S: If two friends decide to get together, they have to know it’s a one time thing.

N: If its for a casual date, it’s kind of implied…

S: Do you date your friends?

N: You can’t really call it a date when it’s a casual thing.

S: So…you causally have sex with your friends?

N: What? No, I casually *date* friends.

S: Oh. What’s the point of casual dating if you’re not having sex?

N: To get to know the person better on a deeper level.

S: Why would you do that on a purely casual date?

N: Why would you have sex on a purely casual date?

S: Why would you date someone you have no desire to sleep with?

N: Because it’s a casual date. Sex with friends leads to messy stuff later on.

S: I agree.

N: Then why are you arguing with me?

S: I wasn’t aware we were arguing

N: You were challenging me being right.

S: About what? I thought we both just agreed it’s not a good idea to date friends.

N: It’s a perfectly fine idea to date friends.

S: Prove it.

N: What? You want me to name friends I’ve dated so you can ask them?

S: No. Never mind. Forget I even said anything.

N: No.

S: What are you angry at me for?

N: I’m not. You’re just being stubborn.

S: If we went on a date it would ruin our friendship.

N: How?

S: One of us would want more.

N: How would you know? You never tried to date me.

S: Because I already want more!

S: I didn’t mean to say that.

N: Then what did you mean to say?

S: Nothing.

N: …

N: Sasuke, what are you trying to say?

S: If you’re too oblivious to know…Because I’m not going to say it.

N: …You want to have sex with me?

S: I didn’t say that.

N: Then what did you say?

S: I can’t talk about this.

N: Why not?

S: I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

N: Psh. As if I would ever let that happen.

S: …sometimes you can’t help things like that from happening.

N: Well that’s certainly a negative way of thinking.

S: Well, for one, you’re looking for a blonde.

N: That’s true. There’s one sitting near me on the train…

N: You know, its weird how the psychic didn’t mention anything about this.

S: Haha. She did say something about someone influencing the present, I guess.

N: True. Hey, look at that! You were in my reading!

S: Whatever. I wasn’t supposed to tell you any of that.

N: So…what? You want me to pretend this whole conversation never took place?

S: Sure. You’re not even telling me how you feel about it.

N: I don’t know how I feel about it. You’re being evasive.

S: What am I supposed to say? ‘I fantasize about my closet friend who just so happens to be straight’?

N: I could be gay.

S: Right. That’s why you’re after every big-bosomed blonde you come across

N: They don’t all have big boobs! And I totally could be. I just never thought about it before.

S: Being gay isn’t something you can change on a whim…see, this is why we shouldn’t be talking about this.

N: No, I don’t see. Why can’t I be gay for you?

S: Because you only *think* you want to be gay for me because of this conversation. When I said I liked playing on guys’ curiosity, I meant *other* guys.

S: Guys who don’t mean anything, who are one night stands. You’re different. I won’t and wouldn’t play games with you.

N: But you said you want more from me.

S: I do…but not when you feel obligated to give it.

N: But with you stuff is never an obligation.

S: You can’t honestly be saying, ‘yes Sasuke, let’s have sex’ to me right now.

N: You said you didn’t want to have sex with me.

S: …that’s not the point.

N: Then what is the point?

S: Fine. I want you. All of you.

N: …Are you just saying that cuz I’m failing to grasp whatever point you’re trying to make?

S: And the point is that you’re a good person and I don’t want you sacrificing yourself for my inability to manage my self control.

N: Sooo………you don’t want me?

S: I do want you. I’ve wanted you for a while now.

N: Did you want me when you had sex in the kitchen?

S: Yes.

N: …I’m not too sure I like that idea.

S: That’s why I never planned on letting you know any of this.

N: I don’t think I like that idea either.

S: Then what do you like?

N: I dunno. I guess the fact that you respect me enough to never had played gay mind games on me before.

S: Of course I wouldn’t. You’re important to me.

N: You’re important to me too :)

N: Let’s go on a casual date.

S: What’s your definition of a casual date?

N: Something fun. Just you and me. I pay.

S: I don’t like it when people pay for me.

N: Then think of it as me paying you back for that 40 I borrowed from you last year.

S: …why are you doing this, really?

N: Because I want you to be happy.

S: I was hoping you’d say it was because you wanted to. I can’t go on a date with you when you’re doing it purely for my sake.

N: But I do want to.

S: I don’t want to ruin what we have.

N: You really don’t like taking chances in life, do you?

S: Not when you’re the thing I could lose.

N: Remember how hard you tried to push me away when we first became friends?

S: Yeah. I think I knew this would eventually happen.

N: Well, basically my point is you can’t get rid of me :D

S: Remember telling me that